Five - SG-1
by I. M. Frelling-Wonko
Summary: A series of top five lists.
1. Five Gifts Teal'c Gave After the Odyssey

This is going to be an ongoing series of top five lists.

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**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own it. More's the pity.

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**Spoiler Warnings: **Some for _Unending_, obviously.

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**Five Gifts Teal'c Gave After the _Odyssey_**

Teal'c swore never to reveal anything that happened in the 50 years only he remembered, lest he create a time paradox. But he didn't see a problem with giving his team mates a gift to help them in their life's journey. These are the gifts he gave to the five people he'd shared those years with..

Samantha Carter

For fifty years, Teal'c watched as Samantha Carter taught herself to play the cello. She'd become quite proficient at it and he'd seen how much she enjoyed it. She had told him that she'd always wanted to learn to play but had never found the time. He knew she'd never take the time now that they were back in the "real world", as Colonel Mitchell called it, so he'd taken it upon himself to buy the instrument for her. He'd seen tears in her eyes as she accepted the gift and knew he'd made the correct decision. He hoped she'd take the time now to do as she wanted, not only what was expected of her, in all aspects of her life.

Colonel Mitchell

Teal'c had watched as the close confines of the ship drove Colonel Mitchell slightly mad. He'd tried running and sparring but nothing seemed to be able to keep the man from slipping away. So after they returned, Teal'c offered to teach Colonel Mitchell to Kelno'reem. After only a few sessions, Teal'c noticed a difference in his friend. He seemed to be more centred and the Jaffa hoped it would aid him should he ever find himself in a position similar to their time on the _Odyssey_.

Vala Mal Doran

Teal'c had searched eBay for the perfect gift to give to Vala Mal Doran and finally ran across a pair of hot pink roller skates. She'd had no idea what they were when she first saw them but, once he'd explained their purpose, he was gifted with a bright smile. She'd taken to the sport quickly and on any given day one could fine her speeding through the halls of the SGC much as she had aboard the ship. It had gotten so frequent, in fact, that she'd been given permission to leave the base unescorted any time she wanted to ride them.

General Landry

Teal'c had enjoyed spending time in General Landry's hydroponics bay. It had felt like a small piece of Earth in the face of so much metal. Most of his ship mates found some excuse to visit at least once a day. And Teal'c had quickly realised that it was the one thing that kept the general sane so Teal'c gave the man a large plant native to Dakara. General Landry started a garden inside Cheyenne Mountain where members of the facility could be found on a regular basis. Many had also donated some plants of their own and the garden flourished, but it was still General Landry's baby.

Daniel Jackson

Daniel Jackson had been the most difficult person to find a gift for. Teal'c knew that the normal things would not satisfy this man so he gave him the one thing he knew Daniel craved above all else: knowledge. He knew he could not come right out and tell Daniel Jackson of his experiences aboard the _Odyssey_, but he could subtly hint at them. When his friend confided in him that he wanted to ask Vala Mal Doran on a date, Teal'c had encouraged him. When Daniel told him he wasn't sure where Vala stood on a committed relationship, Teal'c persuaded him to talk to her. And when his friend came to him with the engagement ring he'd bought and confessed to his worries over being rejected, Teal'c merely told him he'd never know if he did not try. And that is how he'd come to be standing up as best man in Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran's wedding.

A smile lit Teal'c's face, knowing he'd bestowed the perfect gifts upon each of his friends. He'd given them all a chance at happiness and he hoped they all used it wisely.

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	2. Five Things Vala Is Thankful For

**Spoiler Warnings: **None

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**Five Things Vala Is Thankful For**

Chocolate

Chocolate has to be the single greatest accomplishment of the Tau'ri. She'd travelled from one end of this galaxy to the other but never had she come across anything to top it. She would say it was almost better than sex. Almost. And considering how reluctant Daniel was...Well, it was a good substitute...For now.

eBay

Vala had always enjoyed an auction. One could get some very...valuable treasures at an auction. All it took was knowledge and willpower. A decent amount of currency didn't hurt, either. She'd missed auctions when she first came to Earth. In fact, she'd tried to convince Teal'c to take her to one but he'd refused. Then she'd discovered eBay and, with the help of Daniel's credit card, she'd been able to procure many wonderful treasures. It wasn't the same as being in the same room with the other bidders, feeling the energy of the hunt, but it did have its advantages. There was no need to keep up a poker face nor was there a chance of someone pulling a weapon on her. Yes, eBay definitely had its advantages.

Victoria's Secret

Contrary to popular belief, Vala does not dress in sexy clothing to get attention. Nor is it a scheme to get what she wants. Those are simply advantageous side-effects of the clothing. No, she had a different reason entirely for dressing the way she did. She liked feeling sexy. It was that simple. The first time Samantha had taken her to Victoria's Secret, Vala had been in awe over the vast array of sexy lingerie. She'd been shocked that something like this existed given the almost puritanical attitudes of the residents of this planet but she wasn't complaining. Every time she got off the base, she made sure to make a trip to the mall. She was building up a nice collection. Maybe someday someone will see her in it, but for now she was happy to keep it to herself.

Friends

Vala had never really had friends before. As a child, her family moved a lot so she'd never gotten to know any one well. And no one wanted their children to keep company with the daughter of a known thief. When she was host to Qetesh, she'd had slaves and worshippers, but no friends. Gods didn't need them. She'd had many business associates in her time as a pirate but no one she would call a friend. They'd been useful but once they no longer served a purpose, she'd dropped them. No hard feelings on either side. It was the name of the game. But now she had people in her life she'd die for, who would die for her. It was a strange concept but one she was growing used to. One she was beginning to like.

Home

Home, like friendship, had always been a foreign concept to her. She'd learnt early in life that staying in one place too long could get you into trouble. Once the con was complete, it was time to move on. She'd learnt that from her father and had always abided by it. But now she had a place to belong, a place where she was wanted. And for the first time in her life, she didn't want to leave. She was home.

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	3. Five Ways Vala Left SG-1

**Spoiler Warnings:** #1 could be read as a missing scene from S 10 Ep 19 _Dominion_ and #4 is a bit of an AU occurrence for S 10 Ep 4 _Insiders_.

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**Five Ways Vala Left SG-1**

Running away

No one on Earth trusted her. She knew it, they knew it. Oh, they told her she was an asset, that she was one of them, but they didn't truly trust her not to turn on them. After all she'd done for them, they still questioned her loyalties. They kept her locked up inside their mountain like she was some sort of prisoner. She'd been there, done that. Well, no more. She'd sneaked through the Chappa'ai without any one noticing. She was now free to live her life on her own terms again. Just the way she preferred it.

New job

When Samantha had asked her to become a permanent member of her crew on the _George Hammond_, Vala had been shocked. She'd built a life on Earth and hadn't even thought about leaving. But as she thought it over, the urge to be on the move again, travelling from place to place, had overwhelmed her. She was nomadic by nature. She loved waking up to different sights and sounds every day. She hadn't realised she was restless until she'd been given the opportunity. And she could always travel back to Earth if she needed a rest. It was nice to have a home, but it was space that drew her, called to her. It was in space where she felt most comfortable.

Becoming a mother

It had been a difficult decision, leaving. She hadn't wanted to give up travelling through the 'gate with her team, her friends. Her family. But the moment she was told her pregnancy was high-risk, the choice had been made. She kept telling herself she'd go back one day. There was no way she'd be able to give it up forever. Then she'd looked into the eyes of her little boy and never looked back. This was her new path, her future.

Betrayal

It wasn't really betrayal. After all, these weren't even her people and friends came and went. Isn't that what she'd told Ba'al earlier? So when she stepped past SG-1 to join the group of clones, she didn't allow herself any second thoughts. And when she saw the looks of shock and, yes, betrayal on their faces, she squelched the guilt that surged up. In this galaxy, one had to look out for oneself. She'd seen an opportunity and she was taking it. She forced herself to smile up at Ba'al when he placed a possessive hand on her and grinned in triumph. No, she wouldn't regret it, she thought as the beam engulfed her and she was taken away from Earth.

Death

This wasn't how she'd planned on spending the day after a hard mission. Laying in bed, trying not to think about what was about to happen. It had been a simple shot to the stomach, something that should have been easily taken care of. But Carolyn said there was irreparable damage to her internal organs, nothing any one could do. So she was dying, and dying soon. She knew it, as did everyone else in the room. Samantha was crying. Cameron's face held a gentle, sad smile. Teal'c, the ever-stoic Jaffa, had a slight brightness to his eyes that no one mentioned. And Daniel sat on the edge of her bed, holding her hand. She knew her death would affect them all in different ways but she was afraid for her Daniel. He'd just started living again, letting go of his grief. Her death, she knew, was going to set him back. She could already see it happening. She wanted to tell him he'd be fine, that he couldn't let this destroy all of his progress, but she simply didn't have the energy to speak. Instead, she looked him right in the eye, smiled and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back in understanding but she saw the defeat in his eyes. She held on for another moment before even that was too taxing. Taking one last breath, her hand slipped from his grip as darkness descended. She never saw the single tear leave Teal'c's eye.


	4. Five Times Vala Got Married

**Spoilers:** Quite a few for seasons 9 & 10

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**Five Times Vala Got Married**

Tanquin

It was right after she'd been freed from Qetesh. She met Tanquin when she was with the Tok'ra. He'd just been freed from a Goa'uld, too. Neither of them wanted to take a Tok'ra symbiote so they'd been left to find their own way in the universe. They'd married on a whim, hoping to help each other get over their shared past. Instead of sharing their experiences, though, all they saw when they looked at one another was the evil they'd witnessed as hosts. One night Vala took off and never looked back. And, as far as she knew, Tanquin had never bothered to look for her. She sometimes wonders what became of him but feels she's better off no knowing.

Andro

When she'd told Mitchell she'd married a travelling entertainer, she hadn't been lying...entirely. She'd only lied about which number he was. And she hadn't told him the entire truth about the circumstances leading up to the union. She'd been working in a smuggling ring at the time and her partner was trying to find a more clandestine way to move the merchandise. One night they'd stumbled over Andros' little band and the man had instantly fallen for her charm. She'd wriggled her way into the group, claiming to be a singer. It had worked and soon she was travelling with them. She'd used her "connections" to land gigs for the group, at the same time being certain they coincided with her next drop or pick-up. It had worked out well for a while until some of the others became suspicious about her activities. As a way to prove her loyalty to the group, she married Andro. They'd been happy for a year or so before it was time for her to move on. Again, she grabbed what little she owned and took off. And, again, she never looked back.

Tomin

After Andro, she promised herself she'd never marry again and she'd held true to that for years. That was before she found herself pregnant in the Ori galaxy. She'd hated the idea of being forced into another unwanted marriage but knew it was her only choice. Tomin was a kind, gentle man before the Ori got their hands on him and they'd been content. In fact, she could have been happy with him in a different setting. Once he'd been healed, though, everything changed. _He_ changed. Then she'd discovered the truth behind her pregnancy and knew she had to get out. She couldn't express just how relieved she'd been when Daniel had found her on that ship. This time, though, she couldn't help looking back. She'd wanted to save Tomin. She may not have been in love with him, but she had cared. That had never been an issue for her. In the end, after much loss, she'd finally gotten through to him. But they'd both known too much had happened. This time they'd both walked away and, while Vala still looked back on their time together with fondness, she didn't regret the split.

Cameron

This was one of those accidental marriages that sometimes occur when you're on an SG team. They'd gone to PX3-something, something, something, and found themselves in the midst of their harvest festival. Somehow she and Cameron had gotten separated from the rest of the team and of course they'd been asked to perform a ritual. Neither one of them really understood the language (and were just a bit tipsy) so they'd gone along with it. What harm could it really do? About an hour later, they found out. Once Daniel, Sam and Teal'c finally located them, they told their teammates exactly what had happened. Sam and Teal'c seemed amused by their news but Daniel was just plain angry. Apparently they'd been put through a marriage and fertility ritual. She and Cam had thought the situation hilarious but Daniel hadn't. He'd demanded the elders dissolve the marriage immediately. They were divorced within a few hours of the initial ceremony and back on Earth shortly after. Of course, the entire SGC found out and called them Colonel and Mrs. Mitchell for a few weeks until Daniel's constant glare started making everyone wary. The jokes died down after a while but, to this day, Cameron sometimes calls her his "little woman". Never in front of Daniel, though.

Daniel

She'd known practically from the moment she'd met him that Daniel was the marrying kind, yet she'd pursued him anyway. She'd told herself a quick romp would suffice but Daniel was having none of that. He'd resisted her advances and that only made her more determined. She'd never met a man who would turn down sex with no commitment. She'd figured her need to be with him was because of the challenge he presented. She'd had no idea she'd been falling in love, as she'd never experienced the emotion before. Once she realised what was happening, though, she'd tried to run. She couldn't risk setting herself up for that kind of pain. But Daniel wouldn't let her escape. He'd stopped her before she could get away and forced her to tell him what had her so scared. In the heat of anger, she'd confessed her feelings, hoping he'd turn tail and run. Instead, he'd surprised her by reciprocating and that scared her even more than rejection. She wasn't made to love, or be loved, but Daniel made it seem so easy. He'd calmed her fears, allowed her to set the pace for their relationship. When he proposed a year later, her first instinct was to run. But, surprising even herself, she didn't. The very thought of leaving Earth, leaving Daniel caused physical pain and she knew she couldn't live without him. So, for the first time in her life, she'd decided to take the risk. Even though this was technically her fifth marriage, it was the first on where her heart was actually on the line. It was the first _real _one. Seven years later, she still has no regrets. She's married to the man she loves beyond all reason, has two beautiful children with a third on the way, and has no urge to run. This time she would not be running off in the dead of night. This time it was forever.


	5. Five (Other) Times Cam Lost His Pants

I've been on a bit of a Cam/Vala kick for a while and I can't get it out of my head. I'm going to blame it on moving exhaustion and too much time spent on the CBO facebook page. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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**Spoiler Warnings: **None really unless you've never seen Cam lose his pants. If that is the case, what the heck are you waiting for?!

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**Other Warnings: **Serious Cam/Vala action going on here.

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**Five (Other) Times Cam Lost His Pants**

Captured

Cam awoke to an all-too-familiar pain in his head. Who the hell zatted him this time? Opening his eyes carefully, he took in his surroundings. Oh great, another jail cell. But where was the rest of his team? That's when he remembered he'd been on a solo mission, a mission he'd convinced Landry and the rest of SG-1 that he could handle. He was never going to hear the end of this. He stayed where he was laying on the cold floor, not even moving when he heard P-90 fire. Well, the cavalry was here. He idly wondered what the odds were that it was SG-3 or any other team besides his own. His question was answered a few moments later when a deep voice resonated from the corridor.

"Colonel Mitchell, are you injured?"

"Naw, T, I'm fine. Just loungin' about, waitin' for my rescue."

"Well, here we are-Oh my." came Vala's accented voice as she broke into laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asked, sitting up.

"Um, Cam, have you by any chance looked at yourself?" This from Sam who was obviously holding in her own laughter.

Cam shook his head then let his eyes drift to Daniel who wore a smirk before finally following their line of sight. "Aw, hell no." The rest of the team joined in Vala's laughter as Cam fell backward once again. Why was he always losing his pants?

Strip Poker

"C'mon, Cameron, rules are rules." Vala said sweetly, _too_ sweetly.

"Isn't there something else?" he pleaded. "_Anything_ else?"

"Now, Cameron, you don't want to break the rules, do you? Aren't you the one who's always telling me that the rules are there for a reason and we should always follow them, lest there be anarchy?"

"That's Jackson!" he refuted.

"She's right, Mitchell." Daniel smirked.

"Who's side are you on, anyway?" Cam asked but the other man simply shrugged.

"Cam, they're both right." Sam chimed in, a smirk of her own lighting her face. "You're the one who taught her the rules of this game. What did you think was going to happen?"

"Not that my entire team would turn on me! C'mon guys!"

"If you did not wish to play by the rules, Colonel Mitchell, you should not have imparted them to Vala Mal Doran. Nor should you have lost."

"Thanks a lot, big guy." Cam grumbled as he stood.

"Need some help?" Vala asked when he just stood there. The predatory look in her eyes spurred him into action.

"Naw, I'm good. Just give me a second."

Vala pouted, looking disappointed but didn't utter another word as Cam disengaged his belt buckle. He pulled it from his waistband and was shocked to see not only Vala, but Sam watching him with rapt attention while Jackson and Teal'c laughed at his predicament. Some friends he had.

"Oh, Cameron, you are awfully slow. Are you quite certain you don't want help?"

"No!" The last thing he needed was Vala's hands on him. Setting aside the belt, he slowly began to remove the jeans, careful not to pull down the last stitch of clothing he wore with it. A man had to reserve _some_ dignity, didn't he? Folding the pants and setting them aside with the rest of his clothing pile, he glared at Vala. "There, happy now?"

"Oh, quite. Samantha?"

"Can't say I'm disappointed." Sam grinned.

The women ogled, _ogled_, him for a few moments but Cam resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest. His _naked_ chest. "Are you ladies finished with your perusal?"

"Just about, darling." Vala grinned toothily and allowed her eyes to rake his body one last time. "All right, I'm good. Now, be a good boy and sit down. You are much too much of a distraction and I don't wish to lose."

"Deal me out." he told her as he started to turn and walk away.

"But you still have clothing on, Cameron." The alien's eyes went to his black boxer briefs with another toothy grin.

"Aw, hell no! I'm done. Have your fun with Jackson and Teal'c." This time he walked away.

"It's not the same thing." he heard Vala sigh but chose to ignore her. He really had to stop losing his pants around these people.

Off-world shenanigans

"Samantha, I'm bored." Vala whined. They'd been stuck on this bloody planet for three days with nothing to do but wait for their rescue. Vala felt she was going to lose it.

"Why don't you go help Daniel in the temple?" At Vala's scrunched up nose, Sam laughed and tried again. "You could always take a dip in the lake with Cam and Teal'c."

Vala glanced over toward the lake and smiled. What woman wouldn't appreciate the sight of Teal'c and Cameron bare-chested and glistening with water? A shiver ran up her spine as she tore her gaze away. She simply shrugged when she saw the knowing look in Samantha's eyes. "And get my hair wet? I don't think so."

"What would you like to do, then?"

"I don't know." Vala pouted for a moment when an idea struck her. "I've got it! Let's play a prank on Cameron. I owe him for what he did to me on P58-2X7." Vala glared at Sam when the other woman broke out in laughter. Cameron had replaced Vala's supply of fashion magazines with car car and motorcycle ones. He had to pay. "Are you going to help or what?"

"Fine." Sam said exasperatedly. She was bored, too. Not to mention, she'd been the one who had to listen to Vala gripe about Cam's last joke. He deserved whatever he got.

After formulating their plan, Sam and Vala made their way toward the lake. Cam's eyes nearly bugged out when Vala pulled her tank top off to reveal the tiny bikini she wore and Sam laughed. When she was certain his attention was fully on the other woman, Sam sneaked over to where the boys had stored their clothing. Grabbing up Cam's pile, she took a moment to admire Vala's technique as she completely distracted the men. Even Teal'c was enthralled by the alien's presence. Typical males, no matter what species, she thought. With a shake of her head, she scurried off with her prize in hand and hid the clothing in the last place Cam would look, Teal'c's pack, then went back to the lake.

"Who's hungry?" she called and snorted when the men immediately looked her way. Yup, typical males. Vala rolled her eyes as the boys abandoned her for sustenance and Sam could only shrug. Vala joined her at the camp-fire and they watched on as the boys went to gather their things.

"Aw, c'mon!" came Cam's exasperated voice and the women couldn't help laughing. Revenge was sweet.

Alien tech

"What's this?" Cam asked as he picked up the weird, oblong device.

"Not sure." Sam answered, wishing he would put it down. "I don't recognise the language and neither did Daniel. I'm waiting for Vala, maybe she knows."

"You haven't even tested it out?" He turned the device over in his hands.

"No, I prefer to wait." She made to grab for it when Cam accidentally pressed a button and a red light filed the room. When it died down, Sam had to blink rapidly to see past the spots in her vision. What she saw made her gape but, before she could say a word, an accented voice broke in.

"Well, here I am. Let's see what you have for-" Vala broke off as she took in the scene. "Well, it seems you've run across a Telick disintegration device."

"A what?" Cam asked, still blinking.

"A Telick disintegration device. It disintegrates things."

"How do you know that? You've barely looked at the thing."

"Look down, Cameron." Vala said with a wink.

Cam did as told. "Aw, c'mon! That just ain't right!"

Vala and Sam merely grinned as they ogled the bare legs of their CO. They just loved his propensity to lose his pants.

Morning after

The first thought Cam had when he awoke was, what the hell hit him? The next thing that struck him was how warm he was. Cracking open one eye, he regretted the move instantly and slammed it shut. What the hell happened? Had he been captured again? Naw, that couldn't be it. Last thing he remembered was...Sam and Jack's anniversary party. There had been beer. _Lots_ of beer. And whiskey. Had there been Jell-O shots? He couldn't remember exactly but that sure explained the headache. Why was he so warm, though? It took him a few moments, but Cam finally worked up the nerve to open his eyes again. When he did, he discovered a mess of dark hair splayed across his chest. Taking a deep breath, he pushed back the ebony tresses, not sure he wanted his suspicions confirmed. His head fell backward with a groan as he took in the face he'd revealed. Okay, so he was in bed with Vala, that didn't necessarily mean anything happened. Only one way to find out. Cam carefully pulled back the covers to reveal his worst nightmare and dream come true all rolled into one. A smooth ivory-skinned leg was draped over his and there was no clothing involved. Not one stitch. How the hell had this happened? Not that he was complaining, exactly. He'd been fantasising about this from the moment she stepped through the 'gate in that...mind-blowing leather outfit. He just never believed he had a chance. Ignoring the way she tightened her grip on him, he forced himself to focus on just how they'd gotten here.

He'd been on his third beer, she on her sixth or seventh, and both were a little buzzed. Jackson was passed out somewhere and Teal'c had decided to sleep outside. He remembered someone...Sam?...introducing Jell-O shots. Sam and Jack had started dancing and he'd invited Vala to do the same. They'd held each other close in the dim light and swayed to the smooth jazz emanating from the radio. Somewhere along the way, Jack and Sam had disappeared, leaving them alone. The music stopped and they'd stared into each other's eyes and...Aw, hell. He'd kissed her. And she'd responded. After that, everything was a bit of a blur but he did remember making their way to the guest bedroom. He could pretty much guess what happened next even if he didn't have the little flashes of skin on skin playing in his head. He couldn't say he regretted any of it, though he would have preferred different circumstances. He only hoped she felt the same.

"Cameron." came the wonderfully husky voice.

"Yeah?" He braced himself, unconsciously tightening his grip on her.

"Darling, stop thinking and go back to sleep."

"Vala, we have to talk."

"Later, darling."

"But-"

"Cameron." Vala said firmly as she kissed his chin. "I love you, but I'm exhausted and it's all your fault. Now, please let me get my beauty sleep. This gorgeous face isn't an accident, you know."

Before he could respond, she lay her head back on his chest and was soon asleep again. She loved him? The smile that broke out on his face was one full if happiness. "I love you, too, Vala." Cam said and kissed her hair before allowing sleep to take him. This was one time he was happy to lose his pants.


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